Inside My Mind
by My0wnlittleworld247
Summary: A compilation of short stories taking a closer look into the mind of a hero, because sometimes even heroes reach their limit.
1. Weakness and Strength

Sometimes I wonder if people are trying to test me. Like they're conducting experiments to see how much I can take before I snap.

I can never decide on their motives.

Do they want to break me? Are they counting on my weakness? Are they wearing down my resolve layer by layer, until they finally arrive at my core? What are they going to do then? Rip it from my body? Pierce it with a blade?

Or perhaps, do they think that I am strong? Are they are testing my strength, confident in the knowledge that I will not falter, no matter how far I am pushed?

Do they think that I am so strong, that nothing they say or do can affect me?

Is it because I'm a man? Or perhaps that I swing a sword around and slice through my enemies with ease?

Do they think that cutting down enemies is harder than maintaining my resolve?

Well it's not.

I wonder how they would react if they knew about my sodden heart. About the melancholic downpour that torments my inner world.

Would they consider me weak?

Well? _Am_ I weak?

Perhaps I am.

How can I tell?

Through comparison?

I'm not naïve enough to believe that I'm alone in my hidden weakness.

Through discussion?

I'm not naïve enough to believe every word that comes from my friends' mouths'.

Through personal reflection?

Well I'm trying that now, aren't I? Look where it's got me. I'm no closer to learning the truth than before.

Will I ever learn the answer to the questions that plague my heart?

Perhaps.

Perhaps I'm naïve enough for that.

Or perhaps those hopes aren't naïve at all.

Well.

I know that they are. But a boy can dream, can't he?

And then I think: Perhaps that's my biggest weakness of all.

Perhaps I wish for those dreams too much, and all I get in the end is a couple extra meters to fall when I'm let down.

And then, perhaps not.

Weaknesses can be strengths, after all.

So then if that's the case, does it even matter?

If my weaknesses can be my strengths, then does it matter if I'm weak or strong?

I like to think it doesn't.

But then, I also like to think I'm strong.

Perhaps I'll never know. I'm content with that.

Why I'm content with that I don't know, but I am.

Some questions just don't have answers.


	2. Cereal

You know what I love?

Breakfast.

There's something about that wholesome combination of cereal, milk and sugar that just makes the start of every day awesome.

Of course in my case I usually put too much sugar in, then it's too sweet for my tastes, which is pretty ironic isn't it?

I mean, considering I've been alive for almost 18 years, you'd think I'd have figured out my own tastes by now, but I always end up putting too much sugar in. Or maybe I do know, and end up putting too much sugar in on purpose because of tradition. I dunno.

Anyway, that reminds me a little bit of my life to be honest, always putting a little bit too much sugar on things.

Is that too much of a metaphor?

Maybe.

What I mean is that I always build things up, or care about them too much, and then they always seem kinda disappointing in the end. Like, for example I hype up something I'm looking forward to, and then it ends up being really average. Or I'm convinced that someone likes me, but it turns out I'm making it all up.

Know what I mean?

Probably not.

Sometimes it's difficult to communicate ideas that happen in your head, like, when you're talking to someone you have a crush on and you're trying to impress them, and then everything that comes out of your mouth sounds like the worst thing you could possibly say. And at the time you think they're never ever gonna like you.

Ever.

That's a bad feeling, not at all like cereal really, is it?

But I keep on doing the same things over and over again, it's like a cycle, and the only way it's going to break is if someone else comes in and says 'Hey! I like you too!' It's like what they call 'unrequited love' or whatever, when that person you like _so much_ doesn't like you back.

And yet I keep spooning on the sugar.

And it's always too sweet.

Too sweet to taste, but never sweet enough for real life.

Because why should life be sweet? That would be far too easy.

Why is it so much easier to be sad than happy? Why is it so much more difficult to make someone laugh than to make them cry?

Maybe it's because there are a lot more things to be sad about. Or maybe it's to set a new low with which to compare our highs, so that even the most mundane of tasks seem enjoyable.

Why can't life be more like breakfast?

You have the cereal, which you put in first. That's your life.

Then you add in the milk, which fills in all the gaps. Those are your friends and family.

And then sprinkle on the sugar, those little bits of every day that make everything sweeter.

I've gone into metaphor mode again haven't I?

Sometimes it's so easy to slip into; to dodge about topics rather than directly discussing them. That way if it gets too intense, you've never actually fully put yourself on the line. Your person isn't at risk. So people become more withdrawn and take fewer risks until everyone's like a turtle, and then anyone who dares step out of their shell is crushed, the people willing to cross the line are eliminated.

And then everyone's safe.

But no-one is new.

I jolt out of my reverie when a hand lands gently on my shoulder.

'Hey Ichigo, you busy daydreaming, huh? What about?' They look at me quizzically, an amused smile paying over their lips.

'Umm, cereal' I stutter, awkwardly.

They laugh.

'Why cereal?'

'Because I like you.' I smile half-heartedly.

'Hey, I like you too.'


	3. Facade

Why is it that the people closest to you always see your shortcomings first?

Sure, you can reason that they know you better, or that they see you more often. You can even reason that you share a connection.

I don't agree.

I think that people see others mainly as each person desires to be seen, with their exuded image being accepted as the bulk of their personality.

Particularly for "strong" people. That's how they see me, isn't it?

Strong. Fearless. Loyal. Compassionate. A Hero.

No.

A fierce protector.

They see me how we wish to be seen. They see the façade that I hide behind. And when my actions contradict this, it is more profound to them than I could ever realise.

Humans are imperfect. That's what sets us apart from the Gods. Yet in that perfect imperfection, we see our flaws greater than anyone else.

So we aspire for the greatness of the Gods. An aspiration we can never fulfil.

And in this image that we paint of our God-like selves that others come to see this as our true selves.

Each flaw that I portray marks an imperfection on the "perfect" person that others see. So when I feel comfortable around someone, I let my guard drop.

That is why my imperfections seem so great, because they contrast so vividly with the lies.

And those closest to us expect better, though we can never truly live up to this image.

Sometimes I wonder why. Other times I wonder how. Every day I reflect upon how I must seem to those around me. My family and friends. The people who support me.

Do they still see me as strong, or have my lies only highlighted my weakness?

Was there any strength there to begin with, or am I just hiding behind a sword and a pair of confrontational eyes?


End file.
